Stewie

Flag controversy again

The customs house museum in Clarksville, TN was about to become the center of flag desecration controversy before the museum director removed the fried American flags. Although the official reason was that people don’t appreciate their symbol of nationhood being fried, Billy Brian the town spokesperson said “We were more scared that the flags would be consumed. The situation worsened when the fried flag display was placed next to the ketchup bottle display. We did not want any untoward incident to occur and then start blaming people and hence we took pre-emptive action. Moreover who can resist fried stuff with ketchup?”

When asked if they expect any protests from the locales Mr. Brian said “Well the town fair is going to start in a week so most people are primarily focused on it. You know it has the biggest merry-go-round in district. Moreover who cares about freedom of speech or disparaging our national flag, monster truck season is also right around the corner. This season is going to be the best and you better believe it because the poster says so.”
This is C&C signing out from Clarksville, TN (Population 280, welcome board says “Screw civil liberties and your cousins as long as they older than 12”)

Peace

Dallas wants gays and lesbians

The city officials of Dallas have decided to attract more gays and lesbians into the city. Dick Spooner an official in the Dallas tourism department said “Since the republicans lost the house we figured we would lose the political tourists and in an effort to retain some of them and encourage others we have decided to make Dallas a Gay/Lesbian friendly city, not that it was un-friendly in anyway earlier. More over the transition would be easier as we are already used to cowboy boots and butch women.”

Starbucks, the Seattle based coffee retailer, offered to assist the city by opening more coffee shops in the city. Jean Backrider, the Texas area manager for Starbucks, said that it is key to have a wide variety of confusing coffee types to attract G’s and L’s (Apparently that is the new hip term for gays and lesbians). It is assumed that companies like Pottery Barn and Gucci are to follow suit.

The association of “straight but wear leather pants, cowboy boots and big belt buckles in a city” of Dallas was the first to protest the new stance of the city officials. Robert Dude, a senior member of the association, said “We don’t want to be confused as gays just because we wear leather pants and cowboy boots. We are manly men. Some of our members are being swayed by the concept of getting free drinks but are not aware of the aftermath. We will not put up with this non-sense. We will demand that all gays wear pink boots only. Moreover we are already facing difficulty buying a cup of coffee. I don’t freakin know what a mocha double shot with tangerine syrup and whipped cream means? All I want is a cup of coffee with sugar and yesterday it took me 10 minutes to order my coffee.” Mr. Dude did admit in private that the Mocha double shot was good but it would have been better with pomegranate.

Although most Dallas residents could care less about the new policy there is quite a bit of stir in the political community that god hating liberals are penetrating the last standing fortress of Jesus, Texas. The TV cable news channels, anticipating a battle have already picked sides and experts on the issue.

This is C&C signing out from downtown ft.worth.

Peace

Scottsdale - Clean and white

I have been in a writing coma for the last three months. One of the reasons for the coma was because of my new job. Anyways I decided to move to Phoenix as my new job does not have a restriction on where I live. Scottsdale, a suburb of Phoenix, is where I chose to move to and it is a very clean place. My friend and I hit the town every once in a while and I was disturbed by the uniformity of the society. Last night sitting in a trendy place called "33" I was looking around to see some sort of a color variation amongst people but could not find any. The only black people I saw were on TV.

I think uniformity amongst people reduces friction but should color be one of the factors? I will not go into this cliched rant about equality of people ir-respective of color but make a few points about diversity that are critical to a good society.

01. Cultural awareness in one of the key factors that allows people of various backgrounds co-exist peacefully. Now Scottsdale is full of rich white people and it is very likely that most of them would in decision making positions in the future. Hence I think it is important that these kids be exposed to a variety of cultures. I'm not talking about the one hour visit to the ghetto but a some sort of an interaction with the others (Others implying cultures, classes, countries etc).

02. There is no chance that Chad's parents are going to live in west side Detroit or Jamal's parents in Bloomfield hills. The best chance for amalgamation takes place in colleges and it is critical for schools for encourage this cross cultural exchange of thoughts. Thanks to sports a number of schools do boast of a decent mix of students and hopefully it will help the future generations.

So people stop dreaming about a colored or a female president, look at reality and start working towards an amicable solution.

Peace

White & Nerdy

Music video by "Weird Al" Yankovic from the album "Straight Outta Lynwood"

A New India August 15 1947

The newsreel announcing India's independence to US audiences on August 15, 1947 (the first part deals with Pakistan's Independence the previous day). Shows Nehru delivering his famous "Tryst with Destiny" speech to the Assembly in Delhi with Lord and Lady Mountbatten in attendance. Uncut.

5000 Years of known history

Sometimes I wonder where we as humans are headed dragging this planet along with us. The reality looks grim. If we were to look at the five major world religions we see that the most common thread amongst all is Love and Peace but unfortunately the same concept of religious binding is used to wage war. It is not the first time and sadly it will not be the last. I thought I would never do this but I would rather watch Jerry Springer than watch war. Why can't people realize that war cannot bring Peace? Either case I'm sad and frightened by the recent events and truly hope that this madness comes to an end.

Public grieving banned in India

The Indian Ministry of Communications has taken radical but appropriate steps to curb violence against Moslems. The Indian Government in a desperate attempt to protect Moslems in India from guilt, has banned all Non-Moslems from grieving. D.S. Mathur, secretary for telecommunications, has informed the press that this ban will be effective starting Friday the 21st. He also substantiated the government banning the website www.mumbaihelp.blogspot.com which just lists the people (This website does exist and has been banned by the Indian government for reasons unknown – Source www.news.com) who have been hurt in the “Freedom Struggle” incident by saying “Well we don’t want Pakistan to think that we don’t like Moslems. Moreover we don’t want people to get angry when their kin is hurt or dead, we would prefer they realize this on their own. It is very simple if your loved one hasn’t come home since the 11th, they are dead; why do we need a website for that? India is a democratic and secular country and we intend to keep it that way and I also would like to apologize to the Moslem population for the commotion these deaths are causing.”

The logistics of such an undertaking would require phenomenal resources but the Indian government has decided fund it in wake of the seriousness of the problem. The DoT is drafting a new law where grieving Non-Moslem grievers would be severely and swiftly punished. It is rumored that funds from the educational department would be directed towards implementing this program. The Indian government has established an email address for all those who want to protest, it is www.direct-to-recyclebin@india.gov.
Pakistan's Foreign Minister Mehmood Kasuri, hailed the decision as a relationship builder but said “Well the damage is already done. My Moslem brothers are already feeling guilty and I hope the relatives of the dead are happy now. Manmohan was slow to act but well he at least acted.” It is anticipated that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh would render a personal apology to Moslems worldwide for the guilt they had to suffer because of the Mumbai incident. Ahmed Khan, who lost his father in the Mumbai Incident, was appalled at the Indian government’s patronizing behavior and apathy towards terrorism but was unavailable for comment.

Peace

Shaadi.com launches Shaadi-Online.com

The creators of Shaadi.com, one of the most popular Indian marriage websites, have decided to provide a new service to Brides and Grooms. This service which is soon to start would only be provided to Brides living in India marrying Grooms living outside the country. Shaadi-online is designed to alleviate the issues surrounding the cross continental marriages which have become common now-a-days. Some of the key features of Shaadi-online are:

It provides an “Employment Profile” of the groom which includes how long he has been on the bench, technologies he has been working on, expected income growth chart, would he be able to get a job in India and possibilities of getting fired. Another feature that Shaadi-online claims it has included after receiving an overwhelmingly positive response in the surveys they conducted is “Character Verification”. Although this service would come with a premium charge the demand for this utility is expected to outweigh the cost. Character Verification reports are expected to include personal interview with the prospective candidate, health reports, psychoanalytic profile, extensive reference checks and family background checks.

Shaadi-Online has also included an online marriage module in their package which has turned a number of heads. This module allows the couple to get married online with the help of a webcam. A common webcam link would be created and family and friends can watch the webcast on invitation. Rajini Komma of Hyderabad one of the pilot brides was very happy with the experience and said “It was very good, I have never met Rig (My husband) but he is an admin, makes around 90K and scored 85% on the character scale. We were lucky and the reference list, which was extensive, provided a lot of insight into what Rig makes. Now I’m sure that I can lead a good life with a big house and a car. Moreover Shaadi-Online assisted me with visa appointments. I’m very happy.”
Ram Jain, Shaadi-Online’s spokesperson, said “We are very fortunate to serve our home country and support its traditions. I like Hinduism because it is very spiritual and it is the oldest religion that subscribes to rejecting materialism as a path to enlightenment. We are very happy to serve such people and I want to wish Rajini Komma good luck. We have received positive feedback and I think there are a lot more girls like Rajini for the lucky guys living outside India.” It is expected that Shaadi-Online would be go live in the next week and already has received Character Report and Employment Profile requests to the point that they would have double their staff to meet the demand.

Peace

Cheney’s Pacemaker working fine

Doctors at George Washington University Medical Center have given Vice President Dick Cheney a clean bill of health. There have been a few concerns about the Vice President’s pacemaker over the last few months. VP Cheney had been under a lot of pressure lately especially dealing with the catastrophe in New Orleans which required him to visit the area multiple times. The Vice President despite warnings from his doctors decided to visit this grief stricken area but was shaken when he encountered an unprecedented number of African Americans. Lea Anne McBride, Cheney’s spokesperson, said “Dick is a tough cookie but he was absolutely devastated by the reality of the situation. You know it is difficult for him to comprehend that America has so many black people; he has recovered well but it is still haunting him.” It is rumored that VP Cheney is planning to attend the NASCAR race at Daytona to get a higher dose of whiteness.

Dr. Ray Sevens, Chief Cardiologist at GMU Medical Center, speaking about VP Cheney’s pacemaker said “Dick is a unique case. His heart strangely is a quite colder than any I have seen before and hence we had to get a pacemaker that would accommodate the coldness. Luckily the Vice President does not work his heart a lot which is contributing to his recovery. We are hoping that he would work heartlessly in the future so that he can live a long and fruitful life.” Anticipating an attack by the democrats on the heartless policies of the Vice President, Karl Rove launched a pre-emptive defensive measure by floating rumors that Dick Cheney works with his heart and that is why he is shooting rich lawyers.

Peace

Stunning News!!! Car Bomb marker of Taliban presence in Afghanistan says Pamela Constable of Washington Post

In a stunning revelation Pamela Constable of the “Washington Post” reported that a recent car bomb in Qalat, Afghanistan indicates the presence of Taliban in that region. This came as a shock to the world who believed otherwise. Andrew King, a security analyst with the Department of Defense, said “This is such a shocker that even the bigwigs at DoD were floored by the revelation. Unlike other news sources like New York Times, BBC, CNN etc, Washington Post always has creative and explosive stories. I don’t know how they do it I’m sure you could not have guessed that the Taliban was still alive in Afghanistan. We thought they had all left the mountainous area for the coast. I mean who can resist the sea?”

The excitement in the journalist community was equally high and was well represented in the words of Tim Russert, of “Meet the Press”, who said “It is unbelievable!! I have to admit that I’m a little jealous of Pamela. I wonder where she came with such an amazing story and none of had an idea. I for one never thought the Taliban was still in Afghanistan, it is like having black people in Sweden. I have heard the news of cars blowing up mysteriously, our soldiers getting killed but the widely accepted theory was that Aliens from the Alpha Centauri galaxy were causing the havoc.”

While the whole world is trying to digest this amazing news Ms. Constable is already working on a story where she is expected to report that millions are starving in Africa which has already turned a number of heads around the world. It is rumored that a number of Sudanese were surprised to learn that their next door neighbors are starving. It is expected that Ms. Constable would earn the “Pulitzer Prize” for 2006.

Peace

Province Town to become a little more gay

Inspired by the defeat of the recent attempt by the White House to ban gay marriage and the willingness of the society to accept homosexuals, Fabulous and Gay Society (FAGS) of Cape Cod, MA has decided to make their community a little more “Gay Friendly”. Rupert Crisp, Governor of FAGS – Cape Cod, announced today that he is going to push for a number of changes which would most likely be accepted by the Province Town city council. The crux of this new bill, named “Happyjack”, can be surmised by the following points:

Traffic light colors would be changed to be more gay friendly. Red lights are to be replaced with Alizarin Crimson, Yellow with Tangerine Lemon and Green with Olive drab malachite.

Government offices will have to post messages in Gaylick (Not to be confused with Gaelic) along with English. Government forms should ask sensitive questions like weight, year of birth and must accept personal headshots for license pictures.

Reduce taxes on gourmet coffee, Millivres Prowler products and Pottern Barn.

There has been a furor over the “Happyjack” bill especially from the “All Male Association” (AMA) of Hicksville, MS. Taylor Dinks of AMA said “How can we let this happen in our neighborhood. I don’t want my kids to see this atrocity. I will not let these guys defile Jesus.” Mr. Crisp of FAGS in response to this statement said “I don’t know what is bothering this hick. I think he should stop having kids with his sister and that way the future generations would be a little smarter. I’m sure Taylor has never been to Cape Cod and I don’t expect his kids to do any better. Moreover Mr. Dinks you don’t have to watch this atrocity as it will not be on CMT or Fox news.” When Mr. Dinks heard Rupert’s response he was fuming and said “Well that is how you look and talk when you have a plug up your butt. Moreover I would rather sleep with my sister than my brother.” When asked questions about American geography, Mr. Taylor Dinks proved to quite ill-informed badly misjudging the location of most American cities.

Peace

Paris planning a new show, also wants to help Africans

Paris Hilton, inspired by the recent surge of Hollywood superstars getting involved in Africa, has decided to pay a visit to the continent herself. Since UN has declined to be associated with Ms. Hilton, she decided to team up with another organization that is equally respected – Fox News to help Africans. Fox News executive producer Clay Emerson said that they are planning something in the lines of Ms. Hilton’s previous show “A simple life.” Mr. Emerson is quite optimistic about the project and said, “I’m excited to be working with Paris. Moreover we would be doing service to Africans by providing them with impeccable entertainment. The writers are working extra hard on this show to work in the African element and it will definitely do better than Ms. Hilton’s previous shows. Paris and Nicole would live with an African family in Sudan helping them cook and clean. The show would obviously have the charmingly innocuous goof ups by the stars like burning up food while trying to cook, accidentally opening the door to let the Janjaweed in or spilling the last pot of water. We are expecting it to be a heart warming and funny show.”

Ms. Hilton was a lot more excited about visiting Africa and went to say, “This is so exciting. Africa is hot. I hope Nicole comes along and if not we can still keep in touch as I have my T-Mobile sidekick. Angelina got a lot of press over it and I hope I can too. You have no idea how difficult it is to stay popular. People don’t want to see me anymore, not even naked. I understand the problems of the Africans and I can relate well because of some of my personal experiences. I want to help the Africans so I’m planning to teach them how to dress better.” Meanwhile former UN special representative to Sudan Jan Pronk expressed his surprise at the ability of Hollywood stars to predict what Africa needs and wants. He said, “I’m happy that Paris recognized the importance of improving the dressing standards in Sudan. Moreover her show would definitely be a welcome relief to the people of Sudan, who have been watching constantly watching violence.”

Peace

PS: Today is “World Refugee Day”.

Indian husband arrested for setting temperature too low under section 498A

Ramesh Tiwari, a software engineer living in Boulder - CO, has been arrested by the Indian police on charges of harassment under section 498A. Mr. Tiwari got married to Ms. Nisha Nagpur in 2004 and they started living as a married couple in Boulder from then on. Ms. Nagpur has filed a complaint in March 2006 claiming that her husband has been harassing her. Ms. Nagpur said, “Ramesh sets the temperature of the house to 69F even in the winter. It gets cold at night and he has a tendency to hog the comforter. I have tried using a higher thread count comforter but to no avail. I had warned him a couple times that I get cold at night and he usually suggests spooning as an alternative. I mean there is a limit to what one can take in terms of mental abuse and Ramesh has crossed it. The worst part of the episode is that I told the same to his mother but she conveniently claimed ignorance of whole Heating the house and translating the Fahrenheit into Celsius concept.”

Unlike many other women who consistently get abused by their husbands Ms. Nagpur came back to India and sought the help of a women’s liberation organization led by Ms. Jhansi Gandthode. Ms. Gandthode advised Nisha to file a case under section 498A against Mr. Tiwari and any other alleged perpetrators. Ms. Gandthode in a public statement said, “I’m a firm supporter of equality of genders. The horrendous acts of Ramesh have caused a lot of grief to my sister Nisha. All these men have no idea how difficult it is to sleep well at 69 F and that too with a low thread count comforter. Moreover Nisha’s husband made her watch a 35” TV while he could afford to buy a 55” and because of this Nisha now strains her eyes whenever she watches TV in general. This man is a monster and has to be taken down.”

Ms. Nagpur had filed a complaint to the police accusing Mr. Tiwari and his mother of harassing her mentally under section 498A. Section 498A of the Indian penal code was structured to protect women against abuse and has the following caveats:

01. The accused (This case the husband) is guilty until proven innocent.
02. The woman can file a complaint without any evidence as her statement is considered as evidence.
03. The woman can name accomplices in the crime and they will automatically be considered guilty until proven innocent.
04. The arrest is non-bailable
05. The woman cannot be prosecuted for perjury or sued for libel incase she is proven wrong.

Nirmala Tiwari, the octogenarian mother of Ramesh Tiwari, was taken in custody the next day. This prompt action was hailed by a number of women’s groups who are also demanding that the Indian government sign extradition treaties with other countries so that criminals like Ramesh Tiwari can be brought to justice quickly. Minister of Overseas Indian Affairs Vayalar Ravi promised the public that he would have treaties with most countries by the end of 2007. When asked by reporters if he was working towards extraditing Dawood Ibrahim from the Middle East, Mr. Ravi said, “Dawood is a secondary issue. I cannot standby and watch an Indian bahu being abused. For heaven’s sake she had to use a 128 thread count comforter and don’t you feel bad for the woman?”

Fortunately Ms. Nagpur did not have to wait for this treaty to be signed as Mr. Tiwari came to India upon hearing the news that his mother had been arrested. Ms. Gandthode accompanied the police who quickly made the arrest. The Indian media in one voice applauded the police and justice system for being prompt and fair. Ms. Arundathi Roy, a popular political activist, said, “This is great day for all the women of this great country but please keep in mind there are millions of Indian men living abroad. Let us hope that this animal called Ramesh Tiwari gets the death penalty so that it can serve as a lesson for others. 69 degrees is too cold.” According to legal pundits, Mr. Tiwari would most likely be given at least 8 years of imprisonment. Meanwhile protests against article 498A and the legality of the section silenced quickly as some of the protestors were booked under
498A.

Peace
PS: The law does exist and rules are as I mentioned above – well as far as my reading goes. Click on the title link to go to one of the 498A websites and follow the links for further reading.

Abu Ayyub plans to whip Iraqi al Qaeda into shape

Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the replacement for Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, has come out with radical reforms for Iraqi al Qaeda. Mr. al-Masri started off complaining about the lame picture the American government has used to identify him. He has already informed CIA that they can find his “Good Pictures” on www.hotornot.com under the pseudonym “Brown Chocolate”. Mr. al-Masri was also quite upset about the fact that the Smagh (The cloth around the head) made him look old-fashioned, hence he decided to replace it with either a baseball cap or a do-rag. He also has sent a message to the Jihadis in Iraq that he working very hard to come up with a logo that would shout al Qaeda without being garish or pedestrian.
Abu Ayyub was also concerned about the physical fitness of his followers. He said, “All we do now-a-days is suicide bombings. We are not even running a few miles a week. The other day Ahmed could not even fast walk when he encountered American forces. Well his situation is even worse now; he is in an American jail and has gained 35 pounds. What do you expect when you eat the American way. I’m hoping the Richard Simmons videos I ordered from overstock would do the magic.”



Mr. al-Masri is determined to solve the dry skin problems that many of his foreign fighters are encountering. He said that the bad dressing style coupled with lack of exercise and dry skin is killing their romantic prospects. He went to say, “People cannot wait that long for 72 virgins and I for one am stringently against animal abuse.” Mr. al-Masri is planning to establish a supply contract with Banana republic for skin softeners. He said, “I love peach and I’m praying to Allah that we can get peach/strawberry scented body lotions.” When asked about vision for al Qaeda, Abu Ayyub stated that he wanted to see his Jehadis as well groomed metro-sexuals – the kind that would make Jude Law jealous and kind of be a fashion trend-setting group for all Islamic terrorists.

Peace

India now offers reservations for Parliament seats!!!

In an unprecedented move the father of capitalist reforms in India, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh announced that he is planning to extend the reservation quota concept to the Upper and Lower houses of the Parliament. Mr. Singh substantiated his decision by stating, “What is good for the goose is good for the gander”. HRD Minister Arjun Singh criticized the decision saying that the concept of quotas in the parliament goes against the preamble of the Indian constitution, which states -
“WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:
JUSTICE, social, economic and political;
LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;
EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;
and to promote among them all
FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation”

This monumental decision was hailed by the general public (Ir-respective of caste) of India, who vouched to force their parliamentary representatives to vote for this bill. Some of the avid supporters of this bill, anticipating a strike from the Members of Parliament, have gotten a Supreme Court injunction order that will crush any sort of retaliatory move by the MP’s. There are a number of political pundits who believe that such an injunction order is not very useful, as the absence of politicians would lead to phenomenal decreases in corruption in the country. Mayawati Kumari, the firebrand politician of BSP, is most likely to be elected as the new Prime Minister of India. Ms. Kumari in a press conference today said, “I will try my best to maintain equality in the country and regain the trust of the people of this great country. I also assure all the upper caste people that they will not be discriminated against. As a matter of fact I will institute reservations for the all the upper caste people who now will be known as “Formerly upper caste people.” In spite of numerous protests by the likes of Laloo Prasad Yadav condemning this promise of reservations for “Formerly upper castes” as a political ploy to retain votes, Ms. Mayawati Kumari is expected to stick to her new reservation policies.

Peace

Ann Coulter - The epitome of motherhood

Ann Coulter an American version of Mother Theresa was out flapping her mouth again. Well I actually enjoy her vicious rants as it provides color to the political scene being dominated Dreary Dick and Gutless Gore. Here is a collection of Ms. Coulter’s quotes –

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband's deaths so much." -on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration

"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' crème brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media."

"Liberals love America like O.J. loved Nicole."

"There are a lot of bad republicans; there are no good democrats."

"We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals."

"Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots."

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."

"Liberals are stalwart defenders of civil liberties -- provided we're only talking about criminals."

"The New York Times editorial page is like a Ouija board that has only three answers, no matter what the question. The answers are: higher taxes, more restrictions on political speech and stricter gun control."

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

"Usually the nonsense liberals spout is kind of cute, but in wartime their instinctive idiocy is life-threatening."

"We've finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don't want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States."

"If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam -- oh wait, he does."

"Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the President."

"The swing voters -- I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster."

Can you resist Ann – the epitome of Motherhood and everything that good in this world?

Peace

World leaders congratulate China on promoting freedom of speech

Many of the industrialized nations of the world congratulated China today on their impressive handling of human rights issues. German Chancellor Angela Merkel joined Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt in extending accolades to the Chinese government over blocking the search engine Google. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper applauded the Chinese public for their obedience. He also went on to say “I wish the Canadians were more like the Chinese, that way we could achieve more progress and I can implement meaningful programs. I’m sick of being scrutinized by the press and having to answer to general public.” British Prime Minister Tony Blair stated the Chinese are setting a precedent that the world would have to follow for the sake of democracy and freedom. He later assured the press that just because he used the words “democracy” and “freedom” in the same sentence with China does not automatically imply that the “Coalition of the Willing” would not attack China. Meanwhile Fidel Castro, the official god of Cuba launched a scathing attack against China calling them communist pigs and he would burn in hell before conducting business with a country that follows communism – An ideology that Cuba has vehemently fought against in the last 50 years. Meanwhile Secretary Rice speaking at the White House on behalf of President Bush said “We have always endorsed China to follow its present policies and that is why we conduct the most business with this country. They are very good at what they do but their communist policies along with their strong inclination for free speech and their effort to uphold human rights is the driving force for the close relationship between us and China.”

Peace

PS: I could not find a picture that depicts the true nature of the Chinese government towards free speech. Apparently they were all censored.

YITO of St.Vincent and the Grenadines hopes to at least beat Canada

Inspired by the recent surge in the recruitment of young men into Islamic terrorism, the Young Islamic Terrorist Organization (YITO) of St.Vincent and the Grenadines has launched an ambitious program to achieve higher visibility. Farooq Al-Dhimmi, the self proclaimed leader of YITO has expressed concern over Israeli – Palestinian conflict and said “We have to help our Moslem brothers in Palestine, so we are trying to raise an army here”. Mr. Al-Dhimmi was quite enthusiastic about creating a stir in the Islamic terrorist world and is hoping that St.Vincent and the Grenadines would be ranked among the top 50. He also was unhappy about the state of Islamic youth in his town who he claims are wayward. Mr. Al-Dhimmi said “Now-a-days these kids want to read, reason, drink and date. Allah is not going to forgive them and we are particularly concerned that devil- worshipping countries like Canada have been overtaking us in the terrorist activity list. I know we are small country but we can do much better.”
Farooq Al-Dhimmi went on to state that he is planning to institute a 9-step plan, which will assist the kids understand the significance of Islam and how all the non – believers will burn in hell for eternity. When asked about the intolerance of radical Islam towards other religions Mr. Al-Dhimmi said, “Islam is all about tolerance and equality. We love everybody and everyone is equal in the eyes of Allah, unless you are Jew….Hindu, Buddhist, Christian and a few other clauses”.

Peace

An Old lady's wisdom

An Nepali-Uncle calling his Nepali aunt/mom? Either case it also takes a stab at the ongoing political crisis in Nepal.

Muwa: Hello?

JC: It's me.

Muwa: Janardhan?

JC: Yes.

Muwa: The line's very clear today. Where are you calling from?

JC: Where else? From home. What's going on there? You must be relieved
it's all over now.

Muwa: That's what everyone says. I don't get it. How is it over? It's
not like Gyanendra announced he found unlimited supply of water and
electricity. Personally I would choose water
over Girija any day.

JC: I mean the uncertainty is over… at least you can go outside now.

Muwa: Where can I go? I'm 61 years old. My husband spends his entire
time talking senseless politics with his hopeless friends. My only
daughter lives in Denver, my only son lives in Contikut. Go where? All
my grandchildren live in Denver or Contikut…

JC: It's Connecticut.

Muwa: Whatever ticket… it's not Putali Sadak.

JC: If you're that bored in Nepal, why don't you come over here? How
many invitations do you need?

Muwa: And do what there? Your son doesn't speak a word of Nepali. You
work 12 hours a day. Banita is too formal with me. What will I do in
Contikut? I can't even go out for a walk, it's cold even in Baisakh.
Move to Myemi next to Puskar uncle, I'll come.

JC: No city pays MBA like New York. That's why I'm here. I don't get
paid like this if I move to Miami.

Muwa: How's Banita
doing?

JC: She's right here laughing, listening to you. We're on the speaker phone.

Banita: Darshan Muwa.

Muwa: Darshan. How are you doing?

Banita: Not bad.

Muwa: Is he treating you right? I worry more about you than my
money-obsessed son.



Banita: He doesn't have time to treat me badly. How's buwa doing?

Muwa: Like any 'Kaangresi' here, he's ecstatic. It's easier to be
happy, I guess, when you have a very short memory. He really believes
it's a victory. I think his blood-pressure drug makes him hallucinate.

Banita: (laughs)… Nishant! Nishant! Come here, say darshan to hajurmuwa.

Nishant (in the background): I don't feel like talking to Dad's mom.

Muwa: What's he saying?

JC: He's in a bad mood.

Muwa: How come your son is always in a bad mood? If his father devoted
some time to him, perhaps, his mood will change. I've never heard of a
seven-year-old who's so
eternally in a bad mood. If you have no time
for him, why don't you take him to a child sikatryst and fix him?

JC: Banita will teach him a lesson, he listens to her…

Muwa: He needs both parents.

JC: Ok. We'll talk about him later. So how did you pass time during
the 'Aandolan'?

Muwa: I knitted a sweater for your father.

JC: Why would you knit a sweater in April?

Muwa: I had to do something… remind myself I was alive. Unlike your
father, I'm too old and too wise to be animated by watching people
protest.

JC: Buwa must be captivated by all this. He must spend all his time on
the phone.

Muwa: That he does. But there's no one on the other end listening.
Everyone's talking here. No one's listening.

JC: That's politics.

Muwa: That's lunacy. We listen to a parrot for god's sakes. Nobody
listens to nobody here. Everyone is running like a mad man with a flag
and an opinion. This is
mental.

JC: But things look different from here. For the better.

Muwa: I know your CNN is telling you it's a hope. Just remember my
words… in six months from today these selfish, greedy, shortsighted
leaders will be at each other's throat.

JC: You have to understand, whoever they are, leaders are important
for democracy.

Muwa: Exactly my point. But what we have here are not leaders. These
are protesters. Girija, Madhav, or Gagan, or who not, these are all
protesters. Nothing more. A leader should be a protester, a diplomat,
a philosopher, an intellect, an orator, and a listener. These so
called leaders here are limited to being protesters. These people
can't govern, they can only march. And if one party starts governing,
the other parties start marching. It's such a vicious cycle that
depresses the heaven out of me.



JC: Obviously I have not thought this through as much as you have. But
trust me
I have lived in a free country, in the end freedom works.
When people start focusing on their survival paycheck, the country
tames itself out. That's what Nepal needs.

Muwa: Work where? Who's providing the work? You think we have
infrastructure for anything? And don't give me that American democracy
lecture. I too have read American history. White people who owned
black slaves, revolting against another group of lazier white people,
is not a revolution. It's an irony. If British white people had
revolted to free black slaves from American white people, then that
could have qualified as a revolution. Your Wall's Tree white
executives have brainwashed you.

JC: For someone who knows so much, how come you can't pronounce a
single name correctly? It's not Wall's Tree. It's Wall Street. When
you visited Wall Street three years ago, did you see any tree growing
out of a wall?

Muwa: I wouldn't know. They didn't teach me
pronunciation in Kanya
Mandir. I didn't go to St. Xavier's. Anyways, I want to be remembered
for what I say, not how I say it. Accent is for people who have no
content.

JC: Well said. Sometimes I wish you were born in this country… It's
weird that you don't seem to be moved by all this that's taking place
in Nepal. What happened to my radical mother of Padma Kanya Campus
2022 Bikram Sambat?

Muwa: She grew up to understand that hope too has an expiration date

JC: I remember you were so excited in 1990.

Muwa: I was only 45. I was naïve.

JC: Would you rather the king have it all?

Muwa: I'd rather, your uncle, who marched for democracy everyday, not
kick his servant in the stomach for accidentally spilling his tea. I'd
rather people knew what democracy is about, before chanting and
marching for it.

JC: Baldev uncle is a lunatic.

Muwa: Not just your Baldev uncle, everyone here's a lunatic.
Nobody
gets it until they don't have it. When they have it, they don't know
what to do with it. So they abuse it. And they are back to not having
it… and they march and protest for not having it.

JC: You're talking about democracy or servants?

Muwa: You know what I'm talking about. For people here, democracy is
about the freedom to be corrupt. And those who are not corrupt, like
your buwa, they are gravely ineffective and incompetent.

JC: Muwa listen, I'm being sincere now. People are not as wise as you
are. They need a system. People like you can operate on your own.
Think about it, you operated in spite of buwa. He doesn't know how to
boil water. He never made a cup of tea in his 66 years. People like
buwa need something to cling on to, because they don't function from
within. You are self-sufficient and you have this can-do attitude,
these changes won't have impact on your life, but for someone like
buwa, who
seeks hope elsewhere, what happened recently is an
achievement.

Muwa: Save that, in case BBC interviews you.

JC: Was it a little over the top? Banita is laughing here.

Muwa: Kidding aside, you're right. Your buwa worries me. Sometimes I
worry what he will do if something happens to me. The man takes
everything for granted.

JC: Buwa is such a happy-go-lucky guy; you have to give him that. I've
never seen him stressed out about anything. You worry about
everything.

Muwa: Because I think.

JC: Buwa also thinks. Maybe not important stuff. I'm darn sure he is
worried about Girija's health.

Muwa: You know your buwa still suffers from constipation once in a
while. Every time he's constipated badly, he looks at me as if I'm
going to help him with that too. I don't know how, but I can see in
his eyes, begging for help. I think he wants me to push for him, I
suppose…

JC: (laughter)… You and your
buwa jokes. Banita laughed so hard, diet
coke came out of her nose… I'm pretty sure he is not at home right
now?

Muwa: He went for a morning walk. Hasn't been back yet. Must be
somewhere sipping tea and talking politics.

JC: He's a netaa. That's what they do.

Muwa: I don't get it. Someone like your buwa is a netaa in this
country. He doesn't understand how a family runs. I'll guarantee you
he doesn't know where his shaving cream is. How can someone like him
help the government run this country? Don't you need to have some kind
of experience of running something? At least some experience of
running your own life?

JC: Guess not. Does he still snore?

Muwa: You bet. When your mind is that empty, everything must clog up
on your nasal passage.

JC: (laughter)… Banita is rolling on the floor again.

Muwa: You have a good wife, keep her happy.

JC: Don't spoil her. We're on the speaker
phone.

Muwa: How are your didi and the rest in Denver?

JC: Dijju and the kids are fine. I talked to them last night. Vinaju,
like Buwa, is very excited about this Aandolan thing. He keeps on
sending mass emails with his opinion. He really writes horrible… both
in English and in substance, he's really bad. It's embarrassing.

Muwa: I hear he's pretty good in computer.

JC: He's a very good computer programmer.

Muwa: That's the problem with us Nepali. We just can't stick to what
we are good at. Your vinaju is a technical person, not an intellect. I
don't get it why he has to show his weakness to the whole world by
having an opinion?

JC: I can't agree more.

Muwa: What else is new in Contikut? Connect-ticket? Whatever?

JC: It sucks here. You know my grass in the front yard isn't that good
this year. I don't know what to do. I spent hours last October
fertilizing it.

Muwa: You must be
devastated. And people say Nepal has a crisis.

JC: Very funny. By the way, did you guys have enough food during the curfew?

Muwa: We had enough rice and potatoes. Some days we ate rice and
potatoes, and other days we had potatoes and rice.

JC: Someone needs to retire that joke, even you couldn't make that
funny… How are our neighbors? How is Abhay? Any improvement?

Muwa: I wasn't going to bring this up, since you did… Abhay got shot
in the rally. He was in a serious condition, but they're saying now he
will be fine.

JC: Abhay? Who took him to the rally? He's mentally retarded. What
kind of mentally retarded person takes a mentally retarded person to a
rally?

Muwa: Protesters wanted a big number. To cater BBC, CNN, and Times of
India, I suppose. Your uncle took his daughter to the rally.

JC: She's eleven.

Muwa: How do you think we got the parliament? Are you not happy we
have a parliament
now? Everything will be ok now.

JC: Sarcasm won't solve our country's problems either, muwa. For an
argument's sake, forget about Girija, Deuba, and the others… this
Maoist thing, it doesn't bother you?

Muwa: I wake up every morning at 5:30. Most of the days, there's no
water to begin my day. I clean the pooja room and do my pooja, sweep
the bedroom and make our bed. By that time your father's guests start
arriving. I make at least four rounds of tea every morning. I help
Narahari cook and clean. By the time I get a chance to breathe, it's
already 11. Then there are other dozens of chores with cleaning and
gardening and laundry and what not. I'm still fighting with my
diabetes and blood pressure. Then there are other headaches like
five-hour long load shedding. Tell me what time of the day should I
worry about the Maoists?

JC: You need a break. Come over.

Muwa: Fix your son, I'll come.


JC: Now
you're being harsh.

Muwa: I heard him call me 'Dad's mom'. I can't pronounce like you, but
I understand English.

JC: Trust me he will be punished. Banita wants to say something…

Banita: Muwa, I was praying that you didn't hear that. I'll make sure
he gets punished.

Muwa: You guys are really naïve. How can you guys make him interested
in us by punishing him? When I say fix him, I meant fix him by fixing
yourself. Especially you, Janardhan. Pay attention to your kid, spend
time with him, tell him about his family, your childhood, your
parents, your sister, make him understand the concept of being a
family. Fix your home first, there are enough people in the street to
worry about Nepal.

JC: It's not like I'm not trying. My work is very demanding.

Muwa: No job on this planet is more important than being a good
parent… Your buwa may have flaws, but he was a great father. When you
were kids, you and your
sister enjoyed every second of your time with
him.

JC: I'm not that old not to remember that. You don't know how much
dijju and I appreciate that. We were talking about that even last
night.

Muwa: You do the same. Save time for your family. By the way, you seem
to have developed a whole lot of interest in your country lately.

JC: Because it's everywhere, on TV, on the Internet. Everywhere. The
entire world is watching Nepal. It's an important event.

Muwa: Trust me it's not important. What you did was important. Leaving
this country was important. I was looking at the rally on TV the other
day; it occurred to me, any person in that crowd, any one of them, if
he is given a visa to America, he will leave this country in a
heartbeat. Good ones and lucky ones have already left. What you saw on
TV was the gathering of residues. Those who have not found a way to
escape. I tell you, unless you want to mock us, don't
be interested in
us. We have become a zoo. Foreigners come, take our pictures, and run
the headlines: "Look at these people, even they are trying." I'm
telling you, do your thing. What you're doing is important. You are
working. You are helping the economy.

JC: Now you're generalizing. I'm pretty sure there are many brilliant
people left in Nepal.

Muwa: Of course there are many brilliant people stuck in Nepal. Most
of them not by choice. The strangest thing is watching these
intellectuals trying their best, so that you don't notice them feel
sorry for themselves.

JC: I only have a minute left.

Muwa: I have many years left.

JC: I was talking about my phone card.

Muwa: I was talking about the time we will not spend talking to each
other. Like now.



JC: C'mon don't make me feel guilty. You have this uncanny ability to
make my every call a guilt trip. Send me your writings.
Hopefully,
Buwa has learned to scan the papers. One of these days, I'll convert
your writings into English and have my colleagues and friends read it…

Muwa: Why?

JC: I think your creative skepticism is worth sharing…

Muwa: Don't do it.

JC: Why not?

Muwa: Because writing is as much about language. You lose the gist in
translation. I read the Hindi version of the Hyaree Pautter. I didn't
like it. I bet it was written for English speaking world.

JC: I should have bought that 30-minute card. I'll call you next week,
same time. Tell Buwa to be at home.

Muwa: Are you all happy there?

JC: We have water.

Muwa: That's important.

JC: For grass it is

PS: This is not mine. Don't know who wrote it but he/she has done an excellent job.

A new immigration threat – Minute Men react.

According to Don Hickson, a senior member of the Minute Men Civil Defense Corps, the United States faces a grave new immigration threat. No not from the Mexicans to the South of the border but Birds that are migrating from South America to the United States. Mr. Hickson talking at a Confederate Patriot meeting said, “America is for American’s. We don’t need no goddamn foreigners here. Our ancestors gave us this land and we are the only ones who have the right to live on it. Now these alien birds are flying in and taking up our air and food. As true patriots and proud owners of this land, we cannot let that happen”.
After the meeting Mr. Hickson laid out his 5 Point plan for changing the migratory patterns of the Central and Western Artic breeders. The key measures as per his plan were
1. To build a wall high enough to stop the birds.
2. Have automated machine guns and F16’s flying around to gun down any of the birds that make it across.
3. Train American birds to identify foreign birds and report them.
4. Pass a law, which would allow the Minute Men to imprison anybody who feeds foreign birds.

Mr. Hickson also suggested that the Government officials support the Minute Men in shooting down birds, but the Republican Attorney Lobby fiercely opposed the idea and got it removed from the draft in light of a recent incident. Mr. Hickson said that he would take this proposal to Washington and hopes that it will be passed very soon.

In an un-related incident Former first lady Hillary Clinton issued a press statement that she is opposed to the immigration of birds but she is also opposed to plan put forward by President Bush.

Peace

President Bush plans to take Mother Nature to UN.

An anonymous White House official confirmed the rumors about the President’s secret meeting with Secretary of War Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Oil Dick Cheney, Junior Jesus Karl Rove and the other top administration officials. It was rumored that Mother Nature broke the last straw with the recent spate of Tornado attacks on Texas. Secretary Rumsfeld, as the grapevine goes, suggested mobilizing the 6th infantry division to conduct a quick, bloodless and strategic attack. The 23rd Fighter Group is expected to support the infantry division in this endeavor. The White House official went to say that Halliburton would most likely be awarded the contract for all the supply requirements of this war.

President Bush is expected to make this war official in the next couple of weeks. Meanwhile Secretary Rice is supposedly gathering the required evidence to make a case for going to war against Mother Nature. It is assumed that nationalistic and religious rhetoric would be used extensively to make the American public aware of the perils of Mother Nature.

In an unrelated incident Bill ‘O’ Reilly, the popular talk show host on Fox, has claimed to have sources that connect Mother Nature to Osama Bin Laden. He went to say that Mother Nature might be working in tandem with Saddam and was responsible for the dis-appearance of “Weapons of Mass Destruction” from Iraq. Meanwhile Karl Rove was caught saying the following to Rev. Pat Robertson – “Mother Nature is gay and a Satan worshipper that attacks America because she has hates Jesus”.

Peace

Walmart – How does it manage to outperform all competition??

Walmart emps just happy to be there??

No I’m not going to dissect the operational efficiencies or the intimidation tactics of the company. In recent years there has been an increased emphasis on the importance of a company’s workforce and the role it plays in the company’s success. I don’t know about you but whenever I step into a Wal-Mart the staff does not strike me as the cream of the crop (Including the manager). The news article where a Wal-Mart employee got glued to the toilet seat (and the fact that none of the employees could figure out why?) supports my earlier statement.
Quick pointer – To all of you left wingers – It is not Wal-Mart you want to change, it is the attitude of the people (Who want to shop there). Well give me a try.

Peace

Ray McGovern – An optimist beyond comprehension or just stupid

Ray McGovern, a former CIA analyst, is one of the most optimistic people I have ever seen or is plain out stupid. Mr. McGovern was heckling Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld during his speech today. Mr. McGovern asked Secretary Rumsfeld "Why did you lie to get us into a war that caused these kind of casualties and was not necessary?" (Source CNN). Now I’m all for player haters but I think it was a stupid question to ask. What did Mr. McGovern think? Rumsfeld would go ahead and tell him the real reason. Don is the king of spin and there is no way in the world he would spill the beans. However heroic, I fail to appreciate Mr. McGovern’s optimism. I think he could have better used his clout in getting answers for more meaningful questions like
01. Why does Kevin Federline keep singing?
02. Who told Adam Sandler that he was funny?
03. Is the Matrix for real?
04. What the hell is pushing Terri Seymour to sleep with Simon Cowell?

So Mr. McGovern you are trying to achieve the impossible – Finding fault with God’s favorite creation.

Peace

Pirates fans confused about ways to celebrate

The Pittsburgh Pirates fans are angry and confused about last victory over the Cubs. The Pittsburgh team,which has sworn maintain its supremacy over first round picks, has upset its fans in the last game. Jason Collins, an ardent fan who watched the Pirates game against the cubs, was aghast at their performance said "I'm not sure how to react. I had the twelve pack ready and was all set to lambaste the Pirates; but I have nothing to say to my friends. This is absolute nonsense, how can I play the sad but loyal supporter part?"

Although few in number, some of the intelligent Pirates fans have started looking for direction at fans of other teams. Ryan McMillan a graduate student at UPitt said they need to look at the Chicago baseball fans about how to handle such winning streaks. The Pittsburg Pirates also known as Butt Pirates (For taking it deep and hard over a decade) have left a sense of confusion and sadness amongst many of their fans but hopefully the Pirates promise to restore a sense of order with an outrageous loss against the Mets.

Peace

Pro Nude Women and Free Speech

Read the article by clicking on the title.
All right for all you whose general knowledge is a little limited: Tri colored flag is the flag of Iran and the solid green flag belongs to Saudi Arabia.

Peace

Humor for the week

Took some time over the weekend to visit friends. I have some good stories but need more time as I'm still recovering from having to work 8 hours a day. Here is a collection of pointers made over the week by mostly Leno, Letterman and Maher.

"I was watching that movie Mad Max, you know that movie where gas is so precious that people are killing each other for a few gallons. It was set in the future -- I believe it was August." --Jay Leno

"Queen Elizabeth turned 80 over the weekend. The queen of course a figurehead who holds no political power. Or, as we call them in this country, Democrats." --Jay Leno

"Here's a bizarre story. I'll try to put this as delicately as possible. A woman in El Salvador was arrested for smuggling into prison a hand grenade inside her vagina. Although I guess technically at that point it's no longer a hand grenade. ... In a related story, earlier today former President Bill Clinton announced he's going to El Salvador to look for weapons of mass destruction." --Jay Leno

"President Bush and Chinese President Hu said that our two countries are growing closer. In his speech, President Hu said China is providing more democracy and freedom for its people and President Bush said our government is moving closer to China's system of spying on people without warrants and holding people in jail without trials. Also, we're talking about building a 'Great Wall.'" --Jay Leno

"Rumsfeld is defiant. He says he is not backing down and he says he's going to stick around and let people criticize him for the Iranian invasion." --David Letterman

"The Minutemen, the vigilante group that's on the border, they gave Bush an ultimatum. They said, 'Either you build a wall along the border, Mr. President, or we will.' I say let them try, because if there's one thing that will change your mind about immigration, it's trying to build a 2,000-mile fence without the help of Mexicans." --Bill Maher

"What was Earth doing in the run-up to Earth Day? Well, over the last week it gave us a volcano erupting in Peru, earthquakes in Tibet, Indonesia and Japan, freak tornados in America and the Philippines, floods in Hungary, Romania, Malaysia and Kenya, wild fires in Colorado, and a category five super-cyclone that's about to destroy Darwin, Australia. Earth, could you meet me over at camera three please? Hey Earth, how's it going? So I guess kissing your ass doesn't work. We call you beautiful, precious, mother. Gave you your own day. Just like veterans and groundhogs. We even named you planet of the year in 1988 -- even though by any objective estimation that was Neptune's year. We try to make nice, and what do you do? Not only do you kill us in a thousand different ways, but when we raise your temperature by just a degree -- one little degree -- you're all, 'Oh, it's so hot now, my polar ice caps are melting!' You're a pussy! I got news for you, Earth, you're not the only rock in the neighborhood, you know what I'm saying?" --Jon Stewart

**Almost forgot, bibiliography - Source about.com** Just copied this from their site. Very little of my time was put into this post. Yes I'm not ashamed to copy.

Peace

Caitlin Flanagan - To hell with all that

Caitlin Flanagan is my new dream girl and her book “To hell with all that” I think is a brave and true account of her thoughts. In an era of pre-emptive wars, school shootings and child abuse we need to pay close attention to our social fabric. Mrs. Flanagan’s book takes us back to the joys of domestic work and the pride one should take in performing the most important and difficult job in the world (Raising kids).
The feminists are up in arms but again lesbian chicks are good for porn and that is where their usefulness stops. For those who would rather trust popular print media, this is an excerpt of her book review by the “New York Times”
No matter how vociferously they disagree with her on some things, they find themselves agreeing with much of what she writes. One suspects that were such readers to open Flanagan's essay collection, "To Hell With All That," without knowing its provenance, they would page through it eagerly, nodding and sighing and chuckling to themselves. Flanagan writes with intelligence, wit and brio. She's likable.

Peace

Unique and Unusual women in History - Lena Soderberg.

The Lenna (or Lena) picture is one of the most widely used standard test images used for compression algorithms. 'lena' or 'lenna' is a digitized Playboy centerfold, from November 1972 which also happens to be the highest sold playboy edition to-date. Lena Soderberg (ne Sjööblom) was last reported living in her native Sweden, happily married with three kids and a job with the state liquor monopoly. In 1988, she was interviewed by some Swedish computer related publication, and she was pleasantly amused by what had happened to her picture. That was the first she knew of the use of that picture in the computer business.
Kudos to the lady who can do it all, from being a playmate to a mother. Good luck and peace out.

Mary Surratt - Relatively unknown but very unusual people in history

Mary Suratt was executed because of her role in the Lincoln assassination. She along with her husband, John Surratt rented rooms in their Washington D.C. residence. John Wilikins Booth was a frequent visitor of their lodging house and a good friend of John Surratt. Mary claimed to be innocent but plea fell against deaf ears. There is a controversy about her plea; The Judge Advocate Joseph Halt claimed that then President Johnson read the plea in his presence and declined it, meanwhile President Johnson maintained that he was never shown the plea in the first place.
Either case she is a fascinating character and you can read more by clicking on the link.


Peace

Why India is playing an active role in rebuilding Afghanistan

I think the Indians helping Afghanistan rebuild is a very smart political move. It has a number of implications apart from the fact that we don’t need another cesspool of terrorism like Pakistan. India is competing with China to be the regional nexus of business. China has very strong roots in South East Asia (Mongolia, Taiwan, Philippines etc) and India is trying to get Burma, Indonesia and Afghanistan etc. I see the world as three unique trading blocs

1. The Americas
2. EU
3. Far East.

The Americas and EU are established blocs with limited potential for growth unlike the Far East. There are a couple of issues associated with this Bloc; who would lead this bloc? Japan or China? I think the Chinese have a long way to go before they can overtake Japan and the Japanese economy seems to be on the brink of recovery. I think Australia would have to be a part of this trading bloc although they at present have very strong ties with the EU. The Middle East is one of the fastest growing regions in terms of population and its trading loyalties are divided between the EU and crazy mullahs. Lets assume that this region settles down; then all the trading blocs would a piece of this oil rich pie. Although the Middle East is geographically close to the EU, it has had strong ties with Eastern Asia and the United States.

India is one of the biggest anomalies in this trading bloc demarkation. I don’t think it would be a part of the Asian or EU blocs. India is strategically aligned with the America’s. There are a number of reasons for my opinion including the rise of nationalism in India, which in turn has to increased anti-sentiment against Europe; United States and India have developed strong business links; speculation over future Chinese ambitions etc. I think the Americans have recognized this relationship and its advantages; hence they are out there wooing India in all possible ways (Including breaking the NPT). I think the Indians and the Americans want to get a really big piece of the Middle East market and Afghanistan is the precursor to this well paved plan.

The Americans also see India as an effective counter against the ever-increasing power of China but they have been very careful not to antagonize the manufacturing giant. The Americans stopped talking about Taiwan, started ignoring Kim Jong and no more “Free Tibet”. The Indians see this as an opportunity to establish themselves as a regional force and reduce the threat of Pakistan in the region. There was a slight glitch in the process as India, China and Brazil have announced a trade agreement. I don’t know the implications of this new partnership although it could be an interesting new development.

That is a lot of stuff man. Check out the pretty chick in the picture to ease your mind out of this educational bubble, I know I have to.

Peace

Jessica Simpson being sued for 100 Million Dollars

The smoking gun website has published a copy of the affidavit which demands Ms. Simpson pay a 100 million dollars for breach of contract. Ms. Simpson could not comment on the issue initially as she was having a problem with counting the number of zero’s associated with the number. Ms. Simpson who is in the processing of starting a clothing line of her own said that the “Tarrant Apparel Group” is making baseless accusations. She also went on to reiterate the fact it was important to connect spiritually with ones clothes and the external looks don’t really matter. When Jessica was asked if she was intoxicated while making the above statement, she claimed that she had not felt better in her life.
Meanwhile two businessmen who had invested heavily in clothing line being promoted by a supposedly music/movie superstar were seen at Nick Lachey’s house begging for advise.

Peace

Rev Hong Jae-chul in the race for becoming the next Falwell or Ahmadinejad.

Rev Hong Jae-chul of the CCK stated that “The Da Vinci Code” questions the principles of Christianity and hence should not be previewed in South Korea. Rev Jae-chul an ardent critic of North Korea’s policy of information censoring said that he was not trying to restrict free press but making sure that the youth are safe from this heretical work. Unfortunately Rev Jae-chul does not have any comments about the “Agency of National Security Planning”, South Korea’s supposedly security agency, which comes down on the left wingers with an iron fist. It has a history of arresting trade union leaders, prison abuse, breaking peaceful demonstrations using excessive force etc (Refer to Human Rights Watch documents at www.hrw.org).

Apparently Rev Hong Jae-chul has a soft corner for the present right wing government. People like this are much more dangerous than most dictators because they use the name of god to push their own philosophies. Here is a piece of advice for all religious fanatics: “Please don’t think the world is full of idiots, the same god who made you also made me. God does not need your protection. He/She is quite capable of doing it, hence please mind your business and if possible help a person in need." Moreover don’t expect to get the job of “Protector of religious right” as Jerry Falwell and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have already been appointed.

Peace

Finally somebody more obnoxious than O'Reilly

I think the breed of obnoxious and loud talk show hosts is on the rise and Nancy Grace is latest. She is absolutely clueless, culturally outdated and proud of it. She is eternally angry at everything in the world and her shows have no substance at all. The worst part is that she feels that she has a profound understanding of all worldly affairs. She also feels that she and her host of dumb unqualified guests have solutions to all world issues. E.g.: Ms. Grace was recently discussing the issue of sexual predators over the net and she along with her guests thought that not selling webcams to kids under 18 would resolve the issue? The argument was so meaningless and loud that it made O'Reilly look like David Frost. So please make it a point to avoid this show so as to discourage such morons from wasting TV time.

Peace

Have mercy, please think before you blog.

If you took a look at the top of my blog’s main page you would see a navigation bar which leads you to random blogs. In the past I used to hit the next button to be led to a fascinating blog and used to be one of my favorite past times but it has changed drastically. The number of ad blogs has increased phenomenally and it has been pissing me off. A bigger concern is that there has been a phenomenal increase in the number of bad bloggers. I truly believe in the Freedom of speech but these idiotic bloggers are spewing out terabytes of absolute trash. It is actually unbelievable how one can write a million fucking pages which would actually make a sane person question “If the world is full of so many stupid people, how the hell are these democracies functioning?.” Well I should not be complaining a whole lot because myspace is a just a night mare. So bad that, chronic child molesters are being turned off 13 year old kids’ blogs (There is actually a good piece on this in the onion). My humble request to all those who feel that they need to express themselves or disgorge morbidly boring details about their lifestyles, please refrain from doing so; For the sake of sanity. If you decide write, try and think for may be a minute before you so and I’m sure your blog would be a lot more meaningful.

PS: The good looking blogger syndrome is also quickly evaporating, you know there is only so much one can read through before realizing that the picture is not worth the torture.

Peace

Charles Taylor missing- Megallan blamed - Iceland is officially multi ethnic

Former Liberian dictator Charles Taylor also an alleged war criminal has gone missing from his present residence in South-Eastern Nigeria. The Nigerian authorities were quick to declare innocence on the issue. The authorities suggested that it would be difficult to find him but feel that he might have headed for south side Chicago. Kilaro Anand Paul, Charles Taylor’s spiritual advisor, has blamed Megallan for the disappearance. Mr. Paul said that Charles Taylor went out for a ride and was depending on his GPS to bring him back home. Apparently the GPS system in Mr. Taylor’s car malfunctioned and he could be anywhere. Mr. Paul also went to say that this should be a lesson for all the Christians who prefer to depend on modern equipment than on Jesus. Meanwhile there has been a lot of furor in Liberia about the sudden disappearance of Charles Taylor. When asked about the search operations, the Nigerian government spokesperson stated “Well the world is suspecting us for Mr. Taylor’s disappearance and we have question for them. If you are accusing us, then the burden of proof lies upon you. So you have to tell us where Charles Taylor is and only then can you accuse us”. The spokesperson also went to say that this kind of logic has been used by the White House ("I think the burden is on those people who think he didn't have weapons of mass destruction to tell the world where they are." –White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, July 9, 2003) and hence is legal. Meanwhile in an unrelated incident the Government of Iceland has declared that it is now a multi-ethnic country as a black man was spotted at the Reykjavik train station.

Peace

Yulia Tymoshenko unlike Princess Leia will take down Vader

Yulia Tymoshenko the former Prime Minister of Ukraine has been gaining a lot of Political ground lately. Yulia inspired by Princess Leia wants to work towards the betterment of her country. She strongly believes that she has to beat Darth Vader in this eternal battle of good and evil. She claims that she has retained the support of Jar Jar Binks.



The Ukrainian public is optimistic about the impending change in spite of a declining economy and constant Russian interference. Yulia has high hopes for her country and has that she is extremely proud of the country's youth. She claimed that Ukraine boasts of producing the highest number of teenage hackers and migrant prostitutes. She hopes that the nuclear arsenal buried in Ukraine would be enough to blow up "Death Star". When asked what she would say to Darth Vader after vanquishing him, she replied "Who is your Babushka now Biotch?"

MN Senate Majority Leader Dean Johnson accused of Copy right infringement

Mr. Johnson was lambasted by Carl Rowe for copy right infringement. Mr. Rowe has effectively proven that using God and Gays in politics is solely his creation and has patented the concept in Hill Country, Texas. Mr. Rowe has categorically stated that such misuse by other parties will not be tolerated. Mr. Johnson, who had been a part of the Republican Party since 1978 but, moved by the striking charisma of Al Gore and unquestionable ethics of President Clinton, decided to move to the Democratic Party in 2000. Mr. Johnson claims that he has similar ideas when he was in the Republican Party and has carried them to over to his new party and hence it would not be copy right infringement. When asked by reporters Mr. Johnson stated that there is no clear demarcation of what the Republican’s and the Democrat’s can do and that they should have a committee build guidelines to avoid future embarrassments. Carl Rowe on behalf of the American Government and Jesus said that it is an acceptable solution and also stated that “It is imperative we make sure that the consequences of crossing these party lines be severe, so that nobody in the future would dare to”. Ralph Nader would be given a choice to join one of the parties or migrate to Canada. The general public is following this story keenly and hopes that this issue can be resolved quickly so that the Government can start paying attention to its welfare.

Peace

PRESIDENT'S HEARTFELT THANK YOU LETTER TO FIRST NEPHEW PIERCE BUSH FOR HIS MATURE AND ARTICULATE PUBLIC SUPPORT

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Mother Theresa - The other side

Mother Theresa is one of the most revered people in India and as a matter of fact the whole world. The following piece is not my own (Ripped it off from Wikipedia) but the reason I'm publishing is that I always wanted to listen to the lesser known side of story.
This part focuses on what the critics of Mother Theresa have to say:

Mother Teresa frequently spoke against abortion and artificial contraception in meetings with high level government officials. In her Nobel Prize acceptance speech, she declared, "Abortion is the worst evil, and the greatest enemy of peace... Because if a mother can kill her own child, what will prevent us from killing ourselves or one another? Nothing."

In the aftermath of the Bangladesh Liberation War, it was determined that more than 450,000 women in East Pakistan (now Bangladesh) had been systematically raped, giving birth to a few thousand war-babies. She asserted her rejection of abortion by publicly renouncing abortion as an option and by calling upon the women left behind to keep their unborn children. She characterized her views later when asked in 1993 about a 14-year-old rape victim in Ireland, "Abortion can never be necessary... because it is pure killing."

While this stance is in line with that of the Roman Catholic Church, which asserts natural family planning is the only acceptable form of birth control, her critics assert that Teresa dogmatically refused to acknowledge the related problems of overpopulation, especially in cities like Calcutta.[citation needed]

Teresa also campaigned tirelessly against divorce, insisting it should be made illegal; she organized an unsuccessful campaign to keep the Irish ban on divorce in 1996. However, some believe she contradicted this belief when she told the Ladies Home Journal that with respect to Prince Charles and Princess Diana, "It is a good thing that it is over. Nobody was happy anyhow.

After Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi's suspension of civil liberties in 1975, Mother Teresa said: "People are happier. There are more jobs. There are no strikes." These approving comments were seen as a result of the friendship between Teresa and the Congress Party. Mother Teresa's comments were even criticized outside India within Catholic media. (Chatterjee, p. 276.)

An Indian-born writer living in Britain, Dr. Aroup Chatterjee, who had briefly worked in one of Mother Teresa's homes, began investigations into the finances and other practices of Teresa's order. In November 1992, a British journalist, Christopher Hitchens, published an article in the US left-wing journal, The Nation entitled "The Ghoul of Calcutta" criticizing Mother Teresa. In 1994, Hitchens and British journalist Tariq Ali produced a critical TV documentary for the UK's Channel 4, which was entitled Hell's Angel, based on Chatterjee's work. Chatterjee has been critical of what he called the "sensationalist" approach of the film, without disputing its conclusions.

The next year, Hitchens published The Missionary Position: Mother Teresa in Theory and Practice, which repeated many of the accusations in the documentary. Chatterjee himself published The Final Verdict in 2003, a less polemic work than those of Hitchens and Ali, but equally critical of Teresa's operations.

Neither Mother Teresa nor the Vatican has ever revealed how much money her order received, nor what it was spent on; estimates range into the hundreds of millions of dollars[citation needed]. Hitchens alleged that Teresa was glad to suggest to donors that the money went to aid and the building of healthcare facilities for the poor in India and elsewhere, while evidence points instead to it being spent largely on missionary work in Africa, with large funds at Teresa's discretion. No hospitals were ever built.

Baptisms of the dying

Mother Teresa encouraged members of her order to baptize dying patients, without regard to the individual's religion. In a speech at the Scripps Clinic in California in January 1992, she said: "Something very beautiful... not one has died without receiving the special ticket for St. Peter, as we call it. We call baptism 'a ticket for St. Peter.' We ask the person, do you want a blessing by which your sins will be forgiven and you receive God? They have never refused. So 29,000 have died in that one house [in Kalighat] from the time we began in 1952."

Critics have argued that patients were not provided sufficient information to make an informed decision about whether they wanted to be baptized and the theological significance of a Catholic baptism. Since her patients were predominantly Hindus and Muslims, the baptisms would have been directly counter to their own religious beliefs; since their idea of God is vastly different from the Catholic God, the question "do you want to receive a blessing..." would be misleading without the qualifier that the God in question was the Christian God. [citation needed]

Simon Leys, one of Mother Teresa's defenders, has argued that baptisms are either soul-saving or harmless. Simon Leys, in a letter to the New York Review of Books, wrote: "Either you believe in the supernatural effect of this gesture – and then you should dearly wish for it. Or you do not believe in it, and the gesture is as innocent and well-meaningly innocuous as chasing a fly away with a wave of the hand." This view, however, does not take into account the possibility that one could believe that participating in a baptism - a religious ceremony from a faith other than one's own - is a sin.

Motivation of charitable activities

Christopher Hitchens described Mother Teresa's organization as a cult which promoted suffering and did not help those in need. In Hitchens' interpretation, Teresa's own words on poverty proved that "her intention was not to help people." He quoted Teresa's words at a 1981 press conference in which she was asked: "Do you teach the poor to endure their lot?" She replied: "I think it is very beautiful for the poor to accept their lot, to share it with the passion of Christ. I think the world is being much helped by the suffering of the poor people." (This theological position may be meant to be in line with Jesus's Sermon on the Mount.)

Chatterjee added that the public image of Mother Teresa as a "helper of the poor" was misleading, and that only a few hundred people are served by even the largest of the homes. According to a Stern magazine report about Mother Teresa, the (Protestant) Assembly of God charity serves 18,000 meals daily in Calcutta (now called Kolkata), many more than all the Mission of Charity homes together.

Chatterjee alleged that many operations of the order engage in no charitable activity at all but instead use their funds for missionary work. He stated, for example, that none of the eight facilities that the Missionaries of Charity run in Papua New Guinea have any residents in them, being purely for the purpose of converting local people to Catholicism. Some defenders of the order argue that missionary activity—already declared in the name of the order—was a central part of Teresa's calling.

Quality of medical care

Many of Teresa's donors were evidently under the impression that their money was being used to build hospitals[citation needed]. In 1991, Dr. Robin Fox, then editor of the British medical journal The Lancet, visited the Home for Dying Destitutes in Calcutta (now Kolkata) and described the medical care the patients received as "haphazard". He observed that sisters and volunteers, some of whom had no medical knowledge, had to make decisions about patient care, because of the lack of doctors in the hospice. Dr. Fox specifically held Teresa responsible for conditions in this home, and observed that her order did not distinguish between curable and incurable patients, so that people who could otherwise survive would be at risk of dying from infections and lack of treatment.

Fox conceded that the regimen he observed included cleanliness, the tending of wounds and sores, and kindness, but he noted that the sisters' approach to managing pain was "disturbingly lacking". The formulary at the facility Fox visited lacked strong analgesics which he felt clearly separated Mother Teresa's approach from the hospice movement. Fox also wrote that needles were rinsed with warm water, which left them inadequately sterilised, and the facility did not isolate patients with tuberculosis. There have been a series of other reports documenting inattention to medical care in the order's facilities. Similar points of view have also been expressed by some former volunteers who worked for Teresa's order. Mother Teresa herself referred to the facilities as "Houses of the Dying".

In contrast to the conditions at her homes, Mother Teresa sought medical treatment for herself at renowned medical clinics in the United States, Europe, and India, drawing charges of hypocrisy from Hitchens.

Destination of donations

Susan Shields, a former nun of Mother Teresa's order, alleged that Teresa refused to authorize the purchase of medical equipment, and that donated money was instead transferred to the Vatican Bank for general use, even if it was specifically earmarked for charitable purposes[citation needed]. See Missionaries of Charity for a detailed discussion of these allegations. According to Chatterjee, other charitable organizations in India publish their accounts, but Mother Teresa always refused to do so except where she was required to by law.

Here is where we should invest money

We are spending billions fighting each other and running scared. 5000 years of human civilization and we still cannot learn to co-exist peacefully. We should be spending more money on exploring the universe for it is what we have done traditionally. Moreover the future generations need to find a home once we are done ruining this planet. Attached some pictures that were taken on Mars by Spirit. I'm sure you have stopped paying attention to this but please don't neglect it completely.

Peace

The 14 year old kid who messed it up for everyone makes amends

I hope you remember the incident where a Florida teacher slept with her 14 year old student? If you don't here is the brief up there is this geeky 14 year old who gets super lucky (I think super lucky is an understatement). Then he rats on her and the state files charges. Well now the kid kind of makes amends and refuses to testify against her forcing the prosecution to drop the charges. Well the kid screwed it up for the rest of 14 years olds in the school (They had a chance) but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Lefave lost her teaching license but she can definitely conduct private classes. Moreover she is under house arrest so she has minimal chances of dating, well kids you know where to go if you are not doing well in school.

Peace

American national debt level increased to 9 Trillion

There has been a lot of talk about the increase in national debt level of United States to 8.9 trillion dollars. I did not have a basic idea of what it meant so I read a little about it and here is the whole concept in simple terms.

The United States public debt, commonly called the national debt, gross federal debt or U.S. government debt is the amount of money owed by the United States federal government. This does not include the money owed by states, corporations, or individuals. As of March 2006, the total U.S. government debt is approximately $8.3 trillion ($8,283,025,171, 750 or in scientific notation $8.3×1012). The United States government borrows money through various financial instruments like Treasury Bills, Notes, Bonds, TIPS, United States savings bonds and State and Government Series. The government needs this money because their revenues (Primarily taxes) are less than their expenditures. You can visit the treasury website for further details. I have included some graphs to make the read a little more interesting. The pie chart shows the ownership of our national debt and block chart represents the change in revenue streams over a period of times.




Some interesting facts about the debt we are carrying right now
• U.S. public debt on 30 December 2005 was $8,170 billion, which is nearly six times the amount of United States currency in circulation (M1 Money Supply), estimated to be $1,372 billion.
• U.S. official gold reserves are worth $160 billion, foreign exchange reserves $63 billion and the Strategic Petroleum Reserve $33 billion. Most governments back their currencies with their gold reserves. The United States does it with its name.
• The debt equates to $27,434 per head of the U.S. population, or $80,712 per head of the U.S. working population .
• In 2003 $318 billion was spent on interest payments servicing the debt, out of a total tax revenue of $1,952 billion .
• Total U.S. household debt, including mortgage and consumer debt, was $11,400 billion in 2005. By comparison, total U.S. household assets, including real estate, equipment, and financial instruments such as mutual funds, was $62,500 billion in 2005.
• Total third world debt was estimated to be $1,300 billion in 1990.


Peace

PS: The pie chart is from http://www.brillig.com/debt_clock/. Pretty cool site to visit.