Cheney’s Pacemaker working fine

Doctors at George Washington University Medical Center have given Vice President Dick Cheney a clean bill of health. There have been a few concerns about the Vice President’s pacemaker over the last few months. VP Cheney had been under a lot of pressure lately especially dealing with the catastrophe in New Orleans which required him to visit the area multiple times. The Vice President despite warnings from his doctors decided to visit this grief stricken area but was shaken when he encountered an unprecedented number of African Americans. Lea Anne McBride, Cheney’s spokesperson, said “Dick is a tough cookie but he was absolutely devastated by the reality of the situation. You know it is difficult for him to comprehend that America has so many black people; he has recovered well but it is still haunting him.” It is rumored that VP Cheney is planning to attend the NASCAR race at Daytona to get a higher dose of whiteness.

Dr. Ray Sevens, Chief Cardiologist at GMU Medical Center, speaking about VP Cheney’s pacemaker said “Dick is a unique case. His heart strangely is a quite colder than any I have seen before and hence we had to get a pacemaker that would accommodate the coldness. Luckily the Vice President does not work his heart a lot which is contributing to his recovery. We are hoping that he would work heartlessly in the future so that he can live a long and fruitful life.” Anticipating an attack by the democrats on the heartless policies of the Vice President, Karl Rove launched a pre-emptive defensive measure by floating rumors that Dick Cheney works with his heart and that is why he is shooting rich lawyers.

Peace

Stunning News!!! Car Bomb marker of Taliban presence in Afghanistan says Pamela Constable of Washington Post

In a stunning revelation Pamela Constable of the “Washington Post” reported that a recent car bomb in Qalat, Afghanistan indicates the presence of Taliban in that region. This came as a shock to the world who believed otherwise. Andrew King, a security analyst with the Department of Defense, said “This is such a shocker that even the bigwigs at DoD were floored by the revelation. Unlike other news sources like New York Times, BBC, CNN etc, Washington Post always has creative and explosive stories. I don’t know how they do it I’m sure you could not have guessed that the Taliban was still alive in Afghanistan. We thought they had all left the mountainous area for the coast. I mean who can resist the sea?”

The excitement in the journalist community was equally high and was well represented in the words of Tim Russert, of “Meet the Press”, who said “It is unbelievable!! I have to admit that I’m a little jealous of Pamela. I wonder where she came with such an amazing story and none of had an idea. I for one never thought the Taliban was still in Afghanistan, it is like having black people in Sweden. I have heard the news of cars blowing up mysteriously, our soldiers getting killed but the widely accepted theory was that Aliens from the Alpha Centauri galaxy were causing the havoc.”

While the whole world is trying to digest this amazing news Ms. Constable is already working on a story where she is expected to report that millions are starving in Africa which has already turned a number of heads around the world. It is rumored that a number of Sudanese were surprised to learn that their next door neighbors are starving. It is expected that Ms. Constable would earn the “Pulitzer Prize” for 2006.

Peace