Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the replacement for Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, has come out with radical reforms for Iraqi al Qaeda. Mr. al-Masri started off complaining about the lame picture the American government has used to identify him. He has already informed CIA that they can find his “Good Pictures” on www.hotornot.com under the pseudonym “Brown Chocolate”. Mr. al-Masri was also quite upset about the fact that the Smagh (The cloth around the head) made him look old-fashioned, hence he decided to replace it with either a baseball cap or a do-rag. He also has sent a message to the Jihadis in Iraq that he working very hard to come up with a logo that would shout al Qaeda without being garish or pedestrian.
Abu Ayyub was also concerned about the physical fitness of his followers. He said, “All we do now-a-days is suicide bombings. We are not even running a few miles a week. The other day Ahmed could not even fast walk when he encountered American forces. Well his situation is even worse now; he is in an American jail and has gained 35 pounds. What do you expect when you eat the American way. I’m hoping the Richard Simmons videos I ordered from overstock would do the magic.”
Mr. al-Masri is determined to solve the dry skin problems that many of his foreign fighters are encountering. He said that the bad dressing style coupled with lack of exercise and dry skin is killing their romantic prospects. He went to say, “People cannot wait that long for 72 virgins and I for one am stringently against animal abuse.” Mr. al-Masri is planning to establish a supply contract with Banana republic for skin softeners. He said, “I love peach and I’m praying to Allah that we can get peach/strawberry scented body lotions.” When asked about vision for al Qaeda, Abu Ayyub stated that he wanted to see his Jehadis as well groomed metro-sexuals – the kind that would make Jude Law jealous and kind of be a fashion trend-setting group for all Islamic terrorists.
Peace
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