St. Patricks day

It is St. Patricks Day, so had to have green and something uniquely Irish on the blog. So here it is.

Jessica Simpson refuses to meet President Bush

Jessica Simpson the alleged icon of human spirituality and righteousness has recently declined to meet President Bush at a Republican fund raiser claiming that she likes President Bush but is not a big fan of fund raising functions.
Here is an excerpt of my phone conversation (I was not allowed to meet her as she was too pristine to meet ordinary mortals) with Lady Dalai Lama.

Me: Let me start by saying that you are extremely pretty Ms. Simpson.
JS: Thank you but I don't care about external beauty, It is important to be beautiful inside.
Me: I’m sure that you happen to look the way you do by pure accident, so why did you not want to meet President Bush?
JS: Well I don’t really like fund raisers
Me: I thought you were trying to raise funds for Operation Smile
JS: well that is different. It is for little kids to get plastic surgery and look better.
Me: I have a couple of issues here. First of all there are a number of kids who are starving to death on a daily basis, so would that not be the top priority? Secondly I thought you were focused on inner beauty?
JS: Did you not talk to Rob Shuter (Her publicist) before you started the interview?
Me: I did not have a chance?
JS: I love kids and hope we can have world peace.
Me: The atrocities being committed by the Sudanese government have conveniently been ignored by many world governments. The Sudanese people desperately need support and world attention, so have you thought of promoting their cause?
JS: I love South America and Mexicans. Me and Ashley will try to sing for them.
Me: Do you dye your hair?
JS: No
Me: Quite apparent. You were Daisy Duke in “The Dukes of Hazard”; don’t you think it was in-appropriate to act in a movie where they flaunt the confederate flag?
JS: I like black people. I even tip them when they park my car.
Me: Thoughts about Nick Lachey?
JS: Were you making fun of me when you asked me about my hair?
Me: I cannot get anything past you. How do you manage to be what you are?
JS: Be myself
Me: Who is your idol?
JS: John, he is my spiritual guide.
Me: Sorry for belittling you earlier Ms. Simpson. I think John Milton is a genius.
JS: I meant John Travolta. His movie “Look who is talking” has inspired me.
Me: Absolutely true, communication does not always require logical thought process. Thank you for taking the time.

There it is Ladies and Gentlemen, Jessica Simpson for you. The future of a number of kids depends on this intriguingly successful lady. In spite of my acrid remarks I sincerely hope that she can achieve what she wants to.

Peace

PIC

BEEF: That is what is for dinner - Should it be??

I have heard a lot about people starting to eat less meat and that is definitely a great trend. I have had a number of discussions with non-vegetarians about the advantages of leaving the dark side. The pro-veggies mostly argue that it is a lot healthier and it is unfair to the animals but I would like to address a couple more issues. The improvement in the sustainability of world food production and the myth that vegetarians don’t get enough protein

Nearly 29% of the world population (Approximately 1.6 billion people) is under nourished. The Food and Agriculture organization reports that more than 800 million people go hungry and 60 million people starve to death (including a number a children) each year. Despite these startling statistics we feed 72% of all grain grown in the world to live stock.

Meat production consumes a tremendous amount of natural resources and creates a great deal of waste. The U.S. livestock population consumes enough grain and soybeans to feed more than five times the entire U.S. population. One acre of pasture produces an average of 165 pounds of beef; the same acre can produce 20,000 pounds of potatoes. If Americans reduced their meat consumption by only 10 percent, it would free 12 million tons of grain annually for human consumption. That alone would be enough to adequately feed each of the 60 million people who starve to death each year. Meat production not only takes up excessive farmland but also other natural resources like fossil fuels and water. To produce a year’s supply of beef for a family requires over 260 gallons of fossil fuel or approximately one gallon of gasoline per pound of grain-fed beef. Finally it takes 2500 gallons of water to produce one pound of beef as opposed to wheat, which requires 25 gallons.

A lot of meat eaters claim to do so because vegetarian diet is usually protein deficient. It’s actually difficult to become protein deficient unless you quit eating all together. Just about all unrefined foods contain significant amounts of protein. Potatoes are 11% protein, oranges 8%, beans 26%, and tofu 34%. In fact, people have been known to grow at astounding rates (doubling their body size in only six months) on a diet of only 5% protein. These people are infants and they do it during the first 6 months of life, fueled by breast milk, which contains just 5% protein. The Recommended Dietary Allowance (R.D.A.) for protein is 0.8 grams a day per kilogram of bodyweight. (Divide your weight in pounds by 2.2 to get kilograms.) Athletes may require more protein, but the amount is small (1.0 to 1.5 grams per kilogram of bodyweight), an amount easily obtainable from a vegetarian diet. Excess protein consumption can cause a variety of problems including bone mineral loss, kidney damage, and dehydration. Your body can only use so much protein, the excess is either broken down through oxidization, placing an enormous strain on the kidneys, or it is stored as body fat. Neither option is particularly desirable.
Oh yeah! Meat consumption causes a lot of environmental problems too. Throughout the world, forests are being destroyed to support the meat-eating habits of the "developed" nations. Now-a-days Animal agriculture causes about 80% of the world’s annual deforestation. Between 1960 and 1985, nearly 40 percent of all Central American rain forests were destroyed to create pasture for beef cattle. More than four million acres of cropland are lost to erosion in the United States every year. Of this staggering topsoil loss, 85 percent is directly associated with livestock raising, i.e., over-grazing. Much of the excrement from "food" animals (which amounts to 20 times as much fecal matter as human waste) flows unfiltered into our lakes and streams.
I don’t think meat eaters would turn vegetarian over-night but give it a thought or maybe eat a little less meat – for you sake, for the sake of this planet and for the sake of all those who are starving. I figured any message should have a pretty girl attached to so I posted a picture of Liv Tyler (She is a veggie).

Peace

Talking with Michael Moore

As promised I decided to publish my ramblings with Michael Moore on the idea of “Colonization of Enceladus”

Me: Hello Mr. Moore
Michael Moore (MM): Al-Salamu Alaykum
Me: Thank you for your effort but I’m not a Moslem
MM: Well this interview is over I don’t talk to Jews or Christians
Me: I’m a Hindu, would you that do
MM: well okay but I’m not as thrilled as I was before the interview.
Me: Thank you. What is your opinion about the discovery of water on Enceladus?
MM: Well it should have been discovered a long time ago. These evil corporations have stalled our growth for a long time.
Me: I beg to differ.
MM: You have been misled by the media and the Bush family.
Me: I don’t think President Bush had anything to do with it
MM: No he is responsible for all evils in the world including Hurricane Katrina and the Asian Tsunami.
Me: I disagree, that is Mother Nature. I don’t think President Bush has the power to control nature.
MM: You have no idea; these guys were responsible for the9/11 attacks too. Have you not seen my movie?
Me: I did. Good entertainment but that is what it amounts to. Do you think it would be possible to inhabit Enceladus?
MM: Yes but Halliburton will get the contract.
Me: How will you deal with the issues associated with such a venture for example: What if it were to be inhabited already?
MM: United States has already setup camp on Enceladus. It is Cheney’s new hunting resort, he hunts the locales.
Me: That is preposterous.
MM: You have no idea what Americans are capable of. They are evil.
Me: I think you have a very negative opinion of this country.
MM: Yes I have America and you should too, after what they have done to you.
Me: No, I like this country, great place and has treated me very well. No complaints.
MM: What about the way they treated your country?
Me: The Arabs and Brits screwed us in the past but United States was not a part of it.
MM: This place is ruled by white people, don’t you find it offensive.
Me: US is primarily a Caucasian country and a democracy so it is natural to have a white leader. Which country should have the first right to set up camp on Enceladus?
MM: Iran.
Me: They don’t have the technology, the history or the interest.
MM: Then we should give them what is required for them to achieve that.
Me: That does not make sense why would any country do that.
MM: Because Bush is evil
Me: I cannot see a connection.
MM: That is because you are stupid, so is Rumsfeld.
Me: You are being rude and obnoxious
MM: No, we Canadians are not that way.
Me: I thought you grew up in Michigan
MM: I’m Canadian and I think you are connected to Martian – Halliburton arms deal.
Me: I have no clue what you are talking about
MM: You white people never understand us.
Me: I’m not white, you are.
MM: That is because you are leading me to believe that what you believe is what I should believe.
Me: What have you been smoking?
MM: I hate the cigarette companies and Bush is responsible for causing infertility in the world.
I had to stop at this point because I was getting dizzy talking to MM. Well I don’t really know what he said but I know they were a lot accusations.

Water on a Saturn Moon - Can we live there?

There has been a lot of excitement in the scientific community about the possibility of existence of water on Enceladus. The existence of water is considered a pre-condition for the survival of organic life forms and the recent discovery can have far reaching consequences including the possibility of Humans populating this enchanting place. This is a transcript of my conversations with Bill O’Reilly the self proclaimed protector of the free world.

Me: Good morning Bill
Bill O’Reilly (BORE): What is good about this morning, the ACLU and New York times are still in business when I woke up.
Me: What is your opinion about the discovery of water on Enceladus?
BORE: Jesus put it there.
Me: From a scientific perspective?
BORE: Jesus put it there and you are starting to talk like a traitor.
Me: Do you think we have a possibility that we could inhabit this planet?
BORE: Sure I think it is definitely possible.
Me: How would you deals with the issues associated with such a venture for example: What if it were to be inhabited already?
BORE: Well we will send the British in first and they will take care of the savages. They have a lot of experience with that.
Me: Would you not want to co-exist with the locals?
BORE: Well we will civilize a few savages and the rest will be taken care of. We can also use Spain for this purpose.
Me: They say it very cold out there negative 188 Celsius.
BORE: Are you a terrorist?
Me: Sorry I meant to say –ve 307 Fahrenheit.
BORE: Soccer Moms and SUV’s will take care of it. Go Ford!!
Me: Who do you think has a stake on the Enceladean land?
BORE: The whole world
Me: The whole world??
BORE: I think your geography is a bit weak. The US of A, England, Ireland, Germany and Iraq – The whole world.
Me: Iraq??
BORE: Who are we going to fight there, the Irish?
Me: You know the Italians partly funded Cassini
BORE: No they have not, I think you are mistaken.
Me: I read this on the NASA web page, CNN, BBC and Google news.
BORE: You were mis-informed Fox News does not mention anything about this.
Me: But that does not justify your position that the Italians were not involved.
BORE: you are wrong and you are also a gay supporter, Jesus hater and don’t like freedom.
Me: That is n…
BORE (Interrupting me): Nope you are still wrong. Oh yeah buy my cups and T-shirts and baseball hats. Bye.

Well that was it. Stay tuned for my next interview with Michael Moore (The lord of fat complainers)
Peace

These allegations are preposterous , Yale is always right

It was an amazing coincidence that my colleague’s husband is actually trekking in Machu Picchu and I come across this news piece. I understand that Yale is trying to preserve the Incan history but it is unfair for the Peabody museum to retain these artifacts. The artifacts of the great Incan civilization belong to the locals and it is time for Yale to give back what they have takes. I guess human law is quite fallible and sometimes unnecessarily complicated. The issue here is that Peru owns this stuff; Yale took it and needs to return it back to them. Well but again the elitist Yale community always has a sophisticated explanation for their inappropriate actions; not with me though. Screw you dicks, we don’t like you. Your most popular products are politicians and we don’t like them either, give ALL the artifacts back to Peru.
Peace

Screw the Super Models, I would do a lot more for world peace

This is an inspiring story of a young man who is willing to do everything within (Maybe a little beyond) his means to promote world peace. Samaram (Name has been changed to protect the Person but if you persist I can give out his details) is an enterprising young man with a graduate degree and a successful business. In a recent conversation Samaram expressed his frustration over the level of commitment of super models/Actresses towards world peace. Here are some excerpts of our various conversations:

Me: "So what makes you think that you could better than any of the others"

Samaram: "They lack commitment and that is where I come in. Now for example if Osama comes out says that he will put an end to Jihad but Angelina Jolie has to sleep with me. Would she comply? I don't think so"

Me: "Are you suggesting that you are willing to be sexually exploited for the sake of this noble cause?"

Samaram: "Definitely, Wouldn't give it a second thought"

Me: "Aren't you partly dis-inclined given that you are not gay?"

Samaram: "No as a matter of fact, he can get experimental with me. Beat that you bitches"

Me: "What about women leaders?"

Samaram: "Even better, I'm sure Bono would not do that. Side note, I have a mean tongue and people call me Anaconda for a reason"

Me: "Leaders you would prefer to sleep with to promote world peace???"

Samaram: "Kim Jong - Small packet but I'm sure he is dynamite. Khaleda Zia amongst females."

Me: "Most politicians have a tendency to lie. Are you sure that they would not take advantage of your raw beauty but not come through later on?"

Samaram: "I knew that this question would arise. I have a strategy - Once I give these leaders a taste of my flower (Preferably Lilies) like skin and forbidden honey pot, I will stop calling them. You know dear that I'm like a drug once you taste me you can never let go, so these leaders will get a taste of the power of hunger like the citizens of their countries."

Me: "So they will listen to you and in turn push for world peace."

Samaram: "Absolutely"

Me: "Advise for youngsters?"

Samaram: "Do whatever it takes. I have done them. Never abuse animals. Not a good idea. Screw you Saddam, I tried but man goats are not really my .... Sorry I'm blabbering"

Me: "Finally do you think leaders would succumb to your advances?"

Samaram: "Here is a picture. Do you think any human can resist me?"

Well thank you Samaram for making the world a better place.

Peace

The guy who cleans the bathrooms at your office

Like most other offices we have Mexicans who clean the building, bathrooms and cut the grass. The other day on my way to the cafe I overheard a lady stating that these Mexicans keep stealing American jobs. Well this is what I wanted to say to her
"Bitch you have no clue what you are talking about. In the first place they are not stealing American jobs but they are doing those jobs, which most Americans would not. You also should remember that we stole California from them. The Aztec community was prosperous and scientifically advanced until the Spaniards decided to civilize the savages. Well within a matter of half-a-century the whole race was just about erased from the face of earth. Finally it is just not right to talk about anybody the way you have. It is very important to remember that we were born as humans and then we be became citizens of our respective countries. Well I hope the birds shit on your new Prada shoes."
I'm sorry my Mexican brother excuse her ignorance and thank you helping us live better.
Click on the link for more information about the Aztecs.

Peace

Blair taking a page from George's book

Tony Blair recently stated that he prayed to god for direction about whether to send troops to Iraq or not. I think this concept is very similar to that of Bush but I don't it will be as effective as it was GB for the following reason
1. The British public is a lot more mature in dealing with religion since it has been doing this a lot long longer than the American society.
2. GB's has had planned this very carefully ever since he decided to start contesting for Texas' governorship. Tony Blair has claimed to be religious but has not exhibited such strong religious inclinations.
Finally Bush has Carl Rove who was able to create a divide amongst Christians. I think a lot of people of people underestimate the capabilities of this man and he uses it as an effective weapon to pounce on the un-suspecting. How-ever shady Carl Rove might be I can't help but have a slight bit of adoration for this political genius.
Anyways Mr. Blair you cannot work the three G's in UK, you are better off doing good to the public.
Peace.

Would Google give in

Google caved under pressure from the Chinese, would it happen here too???
Hope not.

Peace

The power of make up

The power of make up

The power of make up

The power of make up

The power of make up

The power of make up

The power of make up

The power of make up

The power of make up

Unfortunately make up is useless in some cases.